Checkers taught me so many lessons. I believe that many of these simple games that we learned when we were children were the cornerstone to our learning. Chutes and Ladders, Old Maid, Go Fish, LIFE, Monopoly. We learned the simple lessons of following directions, accepting the answers we were given and the rules of fairness. The added benefit was, of course, the time I got to spend with my parents.
When’s the last time you sat down and played a game with your child. Do you have a child begging to spend time with you, having difficult following directions or accepting the answer given? Do they have trouble interacting with their peers; are they getting in trouble so much that you feel like you spend a good portion of your time trying to deal with them? Do you play games with them? Or has Nintendo become the game that you can play with them, or the game you can use as either a reward or the way to get them out of your hair for a while?
You know what I am going to say. Start with the basics. Start over, pull out the game board or the cards and sit them down. Play by the rules and teach them the rules. Better yet, teach them to be a better player, you see a move or know they have a card that would be better to play – stop the game and show them their options, help them to see why one choice is better than the other. Allow them to play on their own and develop some independence, but don’t be afraid to jump in with a suggestion every now and then. Spend time with them, not worrying about the winning and the losing, but the better way the play the game. These games are such a simple place to start. You have a child who won’t listen, who won’t follow directions; this is the place to start.
When I start working 1:1 with a child who has trouble with impulse control or following directions, the first thing we do is start playing bit of UNO. It’s a good game to start with – follow the rules in this one and help them with playing the better hand. Depending on the age – I don’t necessarily play to the 500 points, but instead will play best out of 11 or something along those lines. So many children know this game that it serves as a good one to start to develop a rapport. You may not need to start in that area.
The next thing I do is teach them a new game, teach them checkers, mancala, or trouble. That way I get to start fresh, the rules are still there to follow – it’s something new for them, so my focus isn’t on teaching them to win, but teaching them how to stop and think and look ahead at what the best move would be. You may argue that many of these computer games can be considered to teach them the same thing. I disagree – they are missing the parental guidance, the human touch and someone to teach them what might be their next move.
Try it, over the next month, spend 15-30 minutes a day playing a game with your children and see if there is a difference in their behaviors, their response to you and their control of their impulses. It works.
